Snake eyes, avid Harley rider, went through shock and dismay Friday when he went into a local Starbucks and observed that nearly every customer displayed a tattoo. “It was as if I'd entered some parallel universe where everything cool was uncool and vice versa."

In a strange twist of fate, the person in line in front of him had the same tattoo. “There they were, my signature pair of dice on the arm of a fat lesbian. I almost shit!”

“Nice tat,” the lesbian added before ordering a mocha frapaccino with non-fat soy milk and checking her iPhone. “I wanted to break a bottle over her head,” added Snake Eyes. "I didn't get ink forcefully injected into my skin for a fucking conversation piece."

Adding further insult to injury, the lesbian was with her partner, sporting a flowered sleeve tattoo, and her adopted three year-old daughter who approached Snake eyes, poked him on the arm and laughed. “I mean, what could I do? For two decades these tats symbolized pain and terror, and in the blink of an eye they were reduced to kiddy magnets." 

Continued Snake, “All I wanted to do was take out the chick that works there. Now I wish I never heard the name Samantha. Tattoos used to stand for tough and edgy, now apparently they stand for laptops, whip cream and hybrids.”

“Look, I didn’t complain when gays and lesbians took the rainbow, and I sure as hell didn’t care when they took good dance music, but for the love of Satan, leave the fuckin’ tats to the bikers.” 


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