America asks God to step down

Posted by The Satire Wire

In a surprise move Wednesday, the United States of America called for God, almighty being, to bring an end as ruler of the universe. In a statement, President Obama went on record saying, "It's time for a regime change. This is a dictator of the worst kind, he's been ruling since the beginning of time, has no free elections, and answers to no one. Meanwhile, I can't wear a chrome blue tie without having to explain myself."    

                     
Concerns over God's tenure arose due to the recent number of people who have been killed under His watch. Hilary Clinton said, "God has lost the confidence of his people and he should go without further bloodshed and violence. The U.S. has always said that the future of the planet should be decided by its people, and they have made themselves clear. They do not want to die, ever." 
Clinton's statements come as the U.N. Security Council continued to debate a resolution and potential sanctions against God. China, which wields veto power, is reportedly still awaiting instructions from Beijing on how to vote, but whatever they decide America will likely follow, even if it means asking God to continue ruling." 
"We are moving quickly on a series of steps to hold our Lord and savior accountable for His violation of human rights and to mobilize a strong response from the international community," Clinton said. Unfortunately, he does not have an email or physical address to send our letter to." 
Despite criticism of NATO, Albanian President Bamir Topi left no uncertainty about God’s future.  “He should leave,” said Topi, signaling to the infinite-year-old dictator that his days are numbered. "Life in Albania is awful, and I hold Him responsible." 
The group, "Doctors without Borders" issued its first report on medical facilities around the world on Saturday. After surveying over three million medical centers, the group said the facilities have, "managed to deal with the numbers of wounded people and medical needs. However, the hospitals have shortages of  medical equipment, including dressings for wounds, sutures and anesthesia drugs," the group said. "And this, too, is God’s fault."
When asked who will lead once God steps down, America responded, “Gee, we never thought about that. I guess… I guess we will.” 

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