Despite having a really great personality, self-described `awkward` senior, Norman Pinkowitz, cannot break free of the friend zone with the glamorous and hollow Stephanie Meadows. “I don’t get it,” said a sexually-frustrated Pinkowitz, “I have helped her with her homework, watched her dog when she went to Florida on spring break, and done numerous other chores, yet my best efforts to woo Stephanie have gone unnoticed.

While making no attempt at his outside appearance or hygiene, Pinkowitz believes Meadows lack of attraction towards him is because she hasn’t really gotten to know him. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Meanwhile, she’s dating Tom Adams because I guess he can throw a football farther than anyone else. Yeah, there’s a great reason to like someone.”

Pinkowitz has been enamored with Stephanie since freshman year. “Even then she had bouncy hair and perky breasts. But looking past all that, the one thing that always stood out for me is her gleaming complexion."

Though the two have almost nothing in common, Norman holds out hope that they will one day be united. “Hey, opposites attract. She just needs to break out of this superficial phase she’s been going through since the sixth grade.”

When asked if he would consider taking Mary Finkerton, a sweet, good-hearted classmate, to prom, Norman replied, “Uh, yeah, if she lost like thirty pounds.”


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